Untitled

It’s definitely all down to a feeling of loss of control. The most recent project, where we haven’t been able to speak honestly with the customer, combined with the previous conflict over architecture, followed up by the developers now being frustrated and questioning the architecture again, because they don’t have all the information they feel that they need…

Which they don’t, because we don’t, because we can’t speak the truth to the customer.

It all makes me feel like I have no control over what’s going on right now.

Which is not good.

My work has of course changed a lot in the recent past. I’ve gone from controlling my own productivity and always trusting what I know that I can do, to instead having to try to control the productivity of others, and most importantly, trying to handle the small conflicts that come up when a group of developers have to try to cooperate.

The fact that there are two offices and that everyone speaks English as a second language is definitely not helping.

If everyone was in the same office, I think the conflicts would never grow quite as large as they have done now.

It’s definitely never been like this before. I mean, I’ve dealt with stress many times, usually without a problem, and sometimes I’ve needed to just stay home for a day to get over it. But this time it’s been four days so far, and I still caught myself with tears in my eyes this morning.

For someone who prides himself on never breaking under pressure, this is a very weird situation.